cameroon log

Mefloquine madness

Saturday November 15th 2003

I am in a very bad mood, and I feel crappy. I’m getting more and more convinced its the Mefloquine… in fact, I think that I may not have had a malarial outbreak. I think that it might have been the meds all along. Its really hard to tell, but I am spending about a day a week feeling really bad. The good news is that I have no real stress. Even with the SNV shenanigans, I’m annoyed, but it only goes so deep. I realised that it has to do with threat levels. None of this is a threat to me. The worst thing that happens is that I don’t get anything done for two years (well, I could get really sick, but that is a whole ‘nother subject)…So when people show up late.. doesn’t really bug me. Don’t do something well, doesn’t bug me. SNV bailing in an ugly cloud of denial and loose ends.. bugs me, but only so much. It sort of feels like college to me. I know that sounds strange, but I had this feeling in school as well. I live in a little bubble world. I just have to show up, but the real difficult things are taken care of for you.. in this case, I get paid a living wage by VSO, my rent is covered. I have special ‘white man’ status… I’m only here for two years, and there is only so much I can get done. I certainly don’t think that I am going to ‘change the world’ and have no feelings of obligation there. The only obligation I feel is towards Charly and GECEC…but I am pretty confident that I am going to be well worth their investment.. I mean, if I leave the printer, and satellite modem.. I will have already largely brought in more than I will be taking…so anything else is gravy. I pretty much work at the speed I want to work at… do what I want to. Don’t get me wrong, I am working, and there are a lot of demands on me… but they just don’t get to me is all.